Up at 0600, so I can get to work for 0645, to make a customer-impacting network change at 0700 hours.
A change which, annoyingly, didn’t actually work. For reasons which escape me at this time, but which I will be spending the rest of the day digging into.
On an related note, my already light motorway traffic is, at 0630, invisible. Would that every commute was that awesome. It’s not worth having to get up early for, but it’s pretty excellent, and especially good considering that last night was apparently Auckland’s semi-regular “How Many Dudes You Know Drive Like Dis?” inconsiderate driving contest, sponsored as usual by the asian driving council[1] but featuring very strong entries by everyone involved.
We had the usual solid performances by various drivers in various set pieces including “I think you’ll find the speed limit is a maximum.”, the classic “You can turn from any lane, right?” and the traditional Auckland regional favourite “In-dee-cay-tor?”
But on the day, there can only be one winner, and a couple of runners-up. Here they are:
The bronze medal goes to Dark Blue Panel Van for “I need to unload this stuff on a street with no parking areas, so I guess I’ll just stop in the middle of this lane full of traffic and slowly unload it.” A classic little number, and very well done. Bonus points for “I’ll switch on my hazard lights so that the vast number of cars I am holding up are fully aware that I know what I’m doing is retarded and pissing them off, and that I don’t care.”
The silver medal goes to Hello Kitty Dashboard Doll Celica, for her graceful performance of “I can totally park my car in this space that is 2/3 the size of my car, if I just keep shuffling back and forth, in and out of traffic.” Truly breathtaking. Or, at least, I was out of breath from screaming expletives, but whatever.
The gold, however, must go to MG Convertible for his superb and unusual “X-TREEM Parking” move, where he had positioned his car in a roadside parking spot so that the ass end of his car had both rear wheels touching the gutter, and the front was sticking out into traffic and blocking an entire lane. Bonus points for talking on his cellphone and ignoring the many .. many .. horns being sounded at him. Additional bonus points for having the balls to glare at people as he finally left, instead of hiding his face in shame. Double-extra Bonus Points for owning an old MG and wearing string-backed driving gloves and one of Those Hats when it would be easier to just write “Wanker” on a post-it note and stick it to your forehead.
Kudos to you, sir. Kudos to you.
[1] I’m not sure what the driving culture is like in Japan, but I am guessing that Japanese people are vastly more tolerant of others than non-Japanese are, or at least, more tolerant than I am.