Poppers

Ikea sell pretty much the exact desk I’m looking for, adjustable to a wide range of heights, including the all-important standing up one. And it’s quite cheap. I shall await their Auckland store opening with anticipation.

I was reading a local Auckland magazine in the cafe today, while waiting for my lunch. It had 4 or 5 pages of those “social scene” photographs. You know. “Ms Emily Smythe-Smith-Smithe and Mr Tarquin Chinless-Daterape are shown enjoying a private joke.” That kinda thing.

Anyway, based on the pictures I saw, I just wanted to say that if any of the items listed below apply to your preferred outfit for an evenings clubbing then I, personally, genuinely, seriously, want you to die. In a fire.

– Pastel Shirts. Unbuttoned too far.
– Bling. Involving Crucifices.
– All The Hair Gel In The World.
– Sunglasses on. Inside.
– A popped collar. Just .. No. Fuck. No. No-one looks cool with a popped collar. No-one has EVER looked cool with a popped collar[1]. No-one EVER WILL look cool with a popped collar. DON’T BE THAT GUY.

Thank you for your time.

[1] Except Elvis. And you ain’t him.