Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.

I’ve now had my positive pressure Sleep-o-Tron 3000 machine for a week, and I thought I’d post an update on how it’s going.

It’s going excellently.

Yesterday morning, for example. I woke up about 5 mins before the alarm went off, got up when it did, had a shower and went to work where I pretty solidly worked all day and got much done. This may not sound amazing to you, but to me it’s like I’m wearing a fucking jetpack.

Number of times bumped into things on the way from bed to shower due to inability to focus and/or balance upright: Zero

Amount of coffees needed before able to read morning websites over breakfast: Zero

Number of times I fell asleep at my desk, waking up to find a terminal window that says something like “sho ip access-lisfffgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg”: Zero.

Energy drinks required during the day to get shit done: Zero

I feel like an idling engine that someone has given a tune up and is now revving to racing speed. I may go back to the gym daily, which is more often than I went even a few years back. Food tastes better. Colours are brighter. I actually feel taller.

So to summarise: AAAA++++ AWESOME PRODUCT WOULD DEFINITELY RECOMMEND HAIL SATAN

Anyone who’s thinking about this – don’t wait. I could have gone and done this years ago, and damn well should have.