Installing Linux (when you're old)

If you’re a certain type of nerd, of a certain age, you will have a pile of old servers in your garage. These are usually outdated and depreciated hardware, perhaps cast-off from employers who’ve upgraded to something more modern, or maybe equipment assigned to a project that was cancelled. Whatever may have been the cause, there’s a particular sort of geek who, when the question “anyone want this stuff before it goes to recycling?” is asked, cannot help but raise a hand.

I’m one of those people.

As a result, I have a bunch of shitty old servers in my garage, and I recently decided to sort them out and get rid of the more useless ones. I decided to install ubuntu linux server on all of them, just to have something to boot so as to show anyone interested that they do actually work.

I have installed a LOT of linux since I first started tinkering with it (Slackware v1, back in the 90s), I am extremely familiar and comfortable with it, but unfortunately it has now progressed to the point where it just makes me feel ancient.

I go to the Ubuntu site to download a current installer, and it’s like “Hey, you want to install this using Multipass?” and I’m suddently Leeloo Dallas. “Mul..tee..pass?” I ask, and it’s like “Oh? No Multipass? O..kay. Okay, you probably want to use MMAS Automated Server Provisioning then?” and suddenly I have to go full Hank Hill…

Eventually, the Ubuntu site grudgingly submits (“Here’s your ISO, grandad!”) and yes, fine, good.

So now I make an install USB out of the ISO and install it on these servers. Full credit to Ubuntu, it works fine on these ancient bits of gear, including weird old SAS raid controllers and such. Nice!

The final indignity awaits, though. Ubuntu Server is like “Would you care to install any or all of these HILARIOUSLY common things, which OBVIOUSLY are used by EVERYONE?” and then presents a list of tickable items for all these ubiquitous services.

It all looks like this:

• [ ] Framp – Framp Ultravisor
• [ ] Zlum – Blockchain Initiator
• [ ] Fleeker – Manger for Fleeks
• [ ] Blembo – Nomad. Warrior. King.
• [ ] Crembo – Father of Blembo
• [ ] CUMP – Undefined
• [ ] Eramp – BSD Licensed replacement for Framp

Reader, I don’t know what any of these things do, or are.

I just want a picture of a goddamn hot dog.