Famous Fiz-ive IN DA HOUSE

One of Britain’s best-known children’s book series, Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, has been turned into a 21st century cartoon

Oh this doesn’t fucking bode well, does it. A remake, AND a TV cartoon? I have bad feeling about this. They’ll be trying to make it edgy and cool (which is code for B-Boy stances and skateboarding, because TV execs cool glands are mysteriously stuck in the late 80’s) and also ethnically diverse (because otherwise they’ll Get Letters).

Let’s read on:

“The new series stars Anglo-Indian Jo – George’s daughter whose full name “Jyoti” is Hindu for light – who, like her mother, is a proud tomboy, and loves the outdoors.

Next is 13 year-old Max, Julian’s son, an avid mountain biker and skater. Anne’s daughter, Allie, 12, is a Californian who loves shopping and sending text messages.

Dylan, 11, the son of Dick, is a gadget nerd and aspiring businessman who follows the stock market on his laptop.”

Oh for chrissakes. Read that again a few times, and marvel at the fact that if you shot the creators of this shit in the brains, it’d be YOU that went to jail.