The Shooter

So, the vice president of the United States shoots a man. On saturday.

No-one is TOLD about this, ’till sunday. And even then it’s because the owner of the ranch talks to the local paper, not anything from .. say .. the white house press corps.

Even then, on sunday, people are told that it’s a silly accident, only minor injuries, something to be laughed off around the bar of the hunting lodge, ha ha ha, say can I freshen that up for ya’? The owner of the ranch where it happens tells media reps that the victim is “bruised more than bloodied” and that “his pride was hurt more than anything else.” All very jolly, hunting buddies together, jolly pirate nicknames, ho ho ho.

Bruised more than bloodied. Remember that phrase.

So anyway, it was announced today that the chap shot by the US Vice President has today had a heart attack and that the cause of this heart attack was … birdshot from the shooting which had lodged in his heart.

LODGED….IN. HIS. HEART.

If there’s any kind of Guinness World Record for, like, “Worst Bruise Ever”, and it doesn’t go to this dude, then he has been robbed.