I just heard a song by a musician whose name turned out to be Maverick Sabre. And so naturally I was thinking “Oh MAN, he is LUCKY, he has THE COOLEST NAME!” except it turns out that he changed it from “Michael Stafford”.

Can you DO that? Is that even ALLOWED? How did he not cringe and stop at the last minute, his pen wavering over the form, before giving up and being Michael Stafford?! I’m a middle-class cracker, and as such I don’t think I could deal with the lack of authenticity inherent in the process. I doubt if I could even drink enough to go through with it. You’ll find out when I casually mention that I’m now Obsidian J. Talonstrike.

The “J” is short for Jesus.