Traslated Lyrics: “Did a lot of coke, voted for Thatcher.”

As I write this, Annette and I are watching the 1989 Eurovision Song Contest, which I acquired because I thought it would be funny.

It is.

There are hosts, and singers, and cutaways to video clips which showcase various participating countries. You’ve probably got a mental picture of a these things which you may imagine is an absurd cartoonish parody of the reality. It’s not. It’s probably quite accurate.

The opening act was Celine Dion, wearing a skintight blue leather pantsuit[1] with big shoulderpads. Her hair was feathered. That’s just plain old fashioned nightmare fuel.

There’s a lot of the stage and various props which have their edges outlined with neon. Neon edges were quite the big deal in the 1980s.

The english voiceover/narrator guy just said “My wife is down in the crowd, probably sweating in the heat. Uh .. I mean “glowing” of course.” … was this an attempt at humour? Or an unfortunate extemporisation? We may never know. It fails either way.

There’s a lot of leather jackets cut wide at the shoulders, with big pads in. I actually had one of those, back in the 80’s. If I recall correctly, when I was wearing it, it was AWESOME. But many of these people just look like they’ve dislocated both arms.

The Norwegian band members are wearing suits that look like they either made them themselves, or stole them from particularly large ken dolls or circus monkeys.

The Portugese band is totally insipid, but they do have a Keytar, so that’s slightly redeeming. The backing singers have shoulderpads so vast that there is some danger that as they wiggle, they may put each others eyes out. The drummer is wearing the skinniest of ties. I had a skinny black leather tie in the 80s, but again, mine was AWESOME. This guy looks like he’s eaten liquorice and then drooled.

You know what, each group that comes on is cheesier and more dreadful then the last.

I occasionally look back fondly on the 80’s because of bands like The Cure and The Smiths and the fact that the 80’s was the last time my waist was significantly smaller than my chest, but actually watching entertainment from that era, especially this particular piece of eurocheese, reminds me that bits of it were really quite shit.

It’s better dead.

[1] Seriously.


  1. Where did you acquire 1989 Eurovision song contest from? 🙂

  2. Oh! I believe I actually _have_ a photo of you from the late 80’s in said leather jacket… shall we share it and assess the awesome?

    Oh I think we should… 😛

  3. Awesome thing about being a girl: no matter how fat I get, my waist is still significantly smaller than my chest.