Population: Tyre

Mid afternoon today, I phoned my friendly and excellent mechanic (since he’s now back from holiday), and I said “I’ll bring the car in tomorrow morning, it’s started sort of juddering and wobbling a little bit, and the juddering increases with speed. I’ve checked the tyres and I don’t see anything weird.[1]”

On my way home late this afternoon, I am ignoring the wobbling and (as is my custom) singing along with songs on my phone, when the following happened:

“I try to discover …”

[judder judder]

“… a little something that makes me sweeter ..”

[judder JUDDER judder]

“… oh baby, refrain … from breaking my heart…”


“… I’m so in love with….”

[BOOOM TWAP TWAP CLONK THWAP CLUNK THWAP GRONK THWAP] … [The hyperdrive malfunctioning noise from Empire Strikes Back goes here]

And then I had a hilarious wait at the side of the motorway armed with my spare tyre and jack and jack-handle but amusingly without a tyre iron (oh my sides) until the AA dude showed up with his slight smile and his infuriating air of casual competence and a whole range of goddamn tyre irons.

Population: Tyre


“I check the tyres for anything weird.”

“Okay, roll the dice.”

“I rolled a one. That’s good, right?”


  1. Well done that man. That’s certainly well and truly done for.

  2. Eeek! That’s pretty impressive.

  3. I hope that is the end of the wobbling! I do not like to be a jelly on a plate!

  4. OOoh impressive.

    Do you remember the time you blew out a tyre with me on the back of your motorbike?

  5. A similar thing happened to me a few months ago, however as you probably know I mostly travel by bus, and this happened a quarter of the way through the Lyttelton road tunnel, the driver asks what to do and is told to drive slowly to the end of the tunnel, now as it was the front left tire the entire weight of a large chunk of the bus and it’s passengers is on the tire, so even though we all moved to the right hand side of the bus, the tire made yours look like “an excellent little runner” by the time we got out of the tunnel, buggered if I know how they got it off the bus.