A scratch? Your arm’s off!

So I drive home from work and go to park in my spot, and someone is in it. A couple, in fact. They’re sitting in their car, in my spot, looks like they’re talking. This sort of thing is not an infrequent event.

I honk my horn, and give them The Look. They look at me in the mirror, then go back to talking.

I hold down my horn for a more extended period of time. They look for longer, then again go back to talking.

I say rude words, park my car behind them and then get out and go up to their window where I have the following conversation with the driver:

“Could you move, please? You’re in my park.”

“No I’m not.”

“….Yes. You are. This is Park 53. That’s my park. I pay for it. You’re in it. Move.”

“I don’t see any signs.”

“Shit, you’re right. What we really need is a six foot sign that says in big red capital letters that this is 24×7 reserved tenant parking only, and that anyone else who parks here will be towed away! … Oh, wait! We have one! There it is! You’re parked RIGHT NEXT TO IT.”

“Well, I didn’t see it.”

[A few seconds pass, as we start at each other]

“Okay.” .. [I produce my phone, pretend to place a call.] “Hello, police? There’s someone on my property who’s refusing to leave, and I ..”

[She makes a modulated noise that’s a cross between “Gah!” and “Meh” and is commonly associated with rolling one’s eyes. Then she puts the car in gear and drives off. I park in my spot.]

I mean, seriously, What The Hell?

I understand that you may want to temporarily park in an empty spot if you need or want to talk to your passenger, and there’s nowhere else around. But if I call you on it, just move, don’t try to argue it out with me.


  1. You have the best stories. I am sure that there is a book about your life somewhere in that brain weetbix of yours.
    Crazy crazy stuff!

    • I wish I had the _best_ stories. What I have are just reportings of the STUPIDITY of people. Most people, fortunately, are not this lame. Or else they are, and it just goes unremarked upon.

      • So it’s a collection of the best stories about the most stupid (and in this case arrogant) people! You gotta admit, it makes for a fabulous retelling and people loves tEh laugh at tEh idiots.

        Maybe you have some kind of super power, where instead of seeing ghosts or the future, you unintentionally seek out idiots and vanquish them with stern looks and witty prose.

  2. I ..see…stupid people

  3. But tell me you didnt enjoy kicking them out of your spot =oP

  4. I was once in town on my bike with someone (bloodrage?) and we parked as close as we could at either end of some wanker that had parked on the motorbike only parking spot just off the Square. Put the wheel locks on and the fucker is stuck, unless they drive over the top of the bike. (& given the cost of my bike and having noted the license plate of the offending car, I was perfectly happy for them to do if they wanted)