Criminals are a cowardly, superstitious lot.

I haven’t been posting much in the last week or so, basically because I’ve been busy (but very very productive) at work, and I don’t want to post boring minutiae about IP network architecture and whatnot. So I haven’t had much to say of any interest, even to my friends.

Now I do.

While walking from my parked car to meet friends for coffee on friday night, a young gentleman stepped away from his two friends and moved, grinning, to stand directly in front of me. I moved sideways … and he moved sideways. Deliberately. I moved the other way .. and he moved the other way. He didn’t say anything at all but he was definitely, if I may use the vernacular, All Up In My Grill.

Indeed, those were my exact thoughts, as I shouldered my way around him, which is probably why I didn’t say “Excuse me”, but instead said “Out the way, fool.” – possibly a mistake on my part.

A couple of steps later, I felt a significant impact in the middle of my back, just below the shoulderblades. Enough of an impact to knock me over, anyway. And I’m not small. I presume he’d just kicked me in the back.

I got up as quickly as I could, moved right up in close to him, and punched him as hard as I could, in the face. I don’t think he was expecting to be hit, I suspect the usual custom with the kind of people who do this sort of shit is a bit of back and forth about how they’re going to beat on the other one, and comments about their respective mothers, etc. But I’m not a super-villain, I’m not interested in a monologue. Anyway, he didn’t really try to defend himself – he started to raise an arm to block, but I was very very close, and he didn’t manage it in time.

I’m not at all fit, nor am I any kind of fighter, but I am big guy, and I have had a some training at a couple of different martial arts places over the years – I know how to throw a punch, and this one had my hips and shoulders into it, and it had a LOT of weight behind it. Landed square on the side of his jaw, and he dropped like a puppet with cut strings.

I step back, look at his friends still leaning against the building, they look at me, and then they both pick the guy up, and walk off supporting him, like they do it every damn day.

So, I wander off to coffee and spend the next two or three hours shivering in my seat, looking out for the rozzers, and burning adrenaline as rapidly as I can. Also, my hand hurts, though it doesn’t seem to be damaged, and I can still type[1] fine with it.

That’s the first time anything like that has happened to me in Auckland, in the last ten years or so. I don’t know what that dude was trying to do, he didn’t ask for money, he didn’t want my car keys, in fact neither he nor his friends said a word! I think he just wanted to fuck with someone in order to get some excitement. I trust he’s received enough of it.


  1. I’m glad you are okay. What a yuk thing to happen.

  2. Sounds like this is becoming more and more common in Auckland, I had a friend who last week pretty much got assaulted for no damn reason in Wellington. He punched back and the guy who came at him didn’t expect it and took off with his mates.

    Really glad you’re ok, but it’s kinda sad that this is happening at all 🙁
    What area of Auckland were you? Pays to be vigilant I guess.

    • Sort of down behind the George Court building, near the Mercury theatre/church place.

      • Bah I meant ‘sounds like this is becoming more and more common’ but without the ‘in Auckland’ bit.

        And thanks.

      • That is so scary. Glad you’re ok.

        Is it just me or has that particular area got much much worse since the church opened? It got better for a while when the casino (of all things) opened – I think it is because at first they had bouncers outside 24/7 but now they have become a bit more lax the crazy kids who hang out at the Church seem to be getting worse again…

  3. Good that you’re ok and good that Annette wasn’t with you and grr them.

    • Yeah, I’ve never been particularly worried about walking around the city – especially in the daytime! – but now I am a little bit woogled out :/

  4. It’s definitely a disturbing event, though it’s getting pretty normal in inner Christchurch. Nearly every Friday and Saturday night is like that in Hereford St where the Glue Sniffers for Christ hang out.

  5. That sounds extremely unpleasant. Nevertheless, I think it qualifies you as a superhero.

  6. How bizarre.

    You, sir, are a pimp.

  7. Well, golly.
    That’s a bit antisocial.

  8. I am glad you reacted as quickly and as well as you did and that it didn’t escalate.

    Hugs to you.

  9. Scary! I laugh that they thought it would be a good idea to take you on. I hope the guy has a realllllly sore face.

  10. Very pleased you’re okay…

    You know that by tomorrow, you’ll have become a whole gang that jumped him, and he valiantly fought you all off……*sigh*

  11. Holy shit.

    This comes after a friend of mine was attacked in town early on Sunday morning, down on Customs St. He’d been out with another guy, got briefly separated from him on the street and then saw his friend get king hit from behind and kicked around. He went to confront the guys (possibly not smart) and woke up in an ambulance. His nose is entirely in the wrong place on his face and he’s going to need plastic surgery to put it back.

    Well done you, hopefully they don’t try that shit ever again on anyone.

  12. NZ is developing a homegrown version of chav culture? fvck.