The Gyre is damn well Widening.

Last night, on the way home, I was stopped for speeding on the motorway. “But officer!” I said, “I am SURE I was only going 95 or so!”. Turns out that the section of motorway I was on has, unbeknownst to me but definitely fucking beknownst to the rozzers, a speed limit of 80.

“I notice..” says the officer “..that you were not wearing a seatbelt.”

Ding! Speeding ticket. Ding! Seatbelt ticket. ANGER!

I was as nice as pie to the officer, taking the opportunity to say “It’s a fair cop.” to him, because I love that shit, and I bet they do too. I’ve said that while actually _being arrested_ in the past, so it’s nice to stick with tradition.

“I’m just going to run your car registration and warrant status and your license and stuff, as a matter of routine.”

No problem. Car is registered, and I got a warrant recently.

“Are you aware that your license has expired?”

DING! Huge-ass ticket. License confiscated. ANGER!

“You can drive home, and I’ll follow you to make sure you go there, but you can’t drive again until you get a new license.”

Fucks sake. Okay, fine, there’s a licensing place nearby. I’ll go there tomorrow morning and get a new one, they’ll give me a temp one while they mail my new real one out. In the meantime, a relaxing evening of WoW and surfing the net.

Except I’ve left my laptop power supply at work. ANGER!!

Annette kindly drives me to work to get it. She’s so stressed out she cries. It’s my fault. ANGER!!! AT SELF!

I search the internet for what paperwork I require to get a new license. I need ID, and some other shit. I go to the place where I keep my passports. They are Not There. I search the apartment. Can’t find them. ANGER!!!! I punch a door. It does not help, and it makes me feel like the kind of fuckwit that punches things. I resolve to not do it again. I find a photocopy of a notarised version of my birth certificate. This will suffice.

The next morning, I step boldly out of the shower onto the wet floor of the bathroom. I hilariously fall, taking the impact on my elbow. ANGER!!!!

Annette drives me to the licensing center. They do not accept photocopies. ANGER!!!!!!

Annette drives me to work. I hope she finds her way home OK.

She does.

My elbow has stiffened up so much that I now can’t really move it. Fortunately I could feel this coming and have positioned it in a 45-degree bend so I am in an ideal typing and WASD-key operating stance.

I order a new birth certificate. The time to print out a copy of a piece of paper is _eight working days_, plus two more days “To mail it out”. ANGER!!!!!!!!!

This has not been a winning 12 hours for me, so far.

18 thoughts on “The Gyre is damn well Widening.

  1. Ouch! If it makes you feel any better, it could be worse: a friend of mine managed to have her licence expire so thoroughly she actually had to sit another driving test. Which, especially combined with a stiff elbow, would be fun squared.

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  2. License renewal

    FWIW, to renew your license you need: (a) money, (b) some form of ID they accept, (c) some proof of address, and (d) working eyesight (or a “note from your doctor” to that effect).

    For ID they will accept a New Zealand drivers license which is either current or _has_expired_within_the_last_2_years_. So providing you haven’t been driving on an expired license forever, and the police officer didn’t confiscate it, you should be able to renew just using your expired driver’s license for ID. (There’s a bunch of others which boil down to Passport, Military/Police ID, Citizenship document, Full Birth Certificate from what I can see; but “just expired drivers license” is probably the most at hand.)

    For proof of address a utility bill (phone, electricity, etc), or bank account statement will do, providing it was issued in the last 6 months. They accepted my Contact Energy bill from last month without question despite it only having my postbox printed on it.

    I just did this renewal thing yesterday so the procedure is fresh in my mind. Fortunately mine was a renewal before it expired. It sucks to find out that it was expired from a police office on top of all the other things.

    Good luck,

    Ewen

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    1. Re: License renewal

      His licence was confiscated, which according to the LTSA woman actually shouldn’t have happened 😦 I’m hoping the passport is found tonight, though I’m getting used to driving again, and could do it for a few more days if necessary.

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  3. Clearly WoW has infected your life, and you are getting mind-numbing Fedex quests for real.

    Next week someone will tell you your birth certificate has been split into eight parts and spread throughout the land.

    Much sympathy, I would not survive well without freedom of travel provided by my car (and I just checked my licence expiry date to be sure).

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  4. Karl has just popped out to check the expiry date on his licence. Think of all the aggravation you have saved other people with your cautionary tale.

    Maybe strangle a puppy or something. But not in front of Annette.

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  5. I have sympathy for your misfortunes but – dude, you weren’t wearing a seatbelt?! WTF?!

    Do I need to send Ronald McDonald over to your house to lay the make-it-click smackdown on yo’ ass?

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  6. Aww suck dude. Still – seatbelt FTW!

    My drivers licence expired and I didn’t realise. I was over here and by the time I found out it was more than two years prior and I had to get a new one, so I just got the Aussie one. I just kept driving in the meantime anyway cos it took me many months to get it all sorted. I had to sit the theory test again and it took me 3 practical driving tests to eventually pass. Fuckers. Apparently to pass you have to drive like a grandmother on Valium. Seriously. If people actually drove like that in real life then no one would get anywhere.

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