Toot Toot! Get on board!

Late last thursday morning, my home DSL connection failed. When I got home, I logged into the router and saw no login, no line protocol, and no carrier signal. But we still had a dial tone.

So as a final test, I unplugged our filter and plugged the phone directly into the unfiltered wall socket, then listened for the static-y crap that is a DSL signal bleeding into unfiltered PSTN audio. Nothing. Clear as a bell.

So, either the DSLAM port was busted, or more likely a tech misread a work order or a label and has disconnected us from DSL.

Anyway, ICONZ tells Annette that they will “send out a telecom tech”. Telecom cannot, of course, give us any kind of time, they just say that the tech will call first.

In the meantime, I connect through my cellphone, and NAT that onto the LAN so Annette can has some Internets.

But that is not the Fail Train to which I refer. This is:

I keep a Woosh modem and account kicking around for _just_ this set of circumstances, in case my real internet connection is down, I can use it as a temporary link. So I pull the modem off the shelf, plug it in to a spare windows box (because I can’t find the ethernet cable to do PPPoE, so it has to be a USB modem and I only have drivers for XP), set it up, install their software, and log in .. or not, because my carefully recorded username and password are declined. It’s logging in fine with Woosh’s “new user” account, but my userid and password aren’t being accepted by the web page this brings up (which also then sets the userid and password on the dialup connection).

The web page says “If you are having any problems, please call the woosh helpdesk 24/7” so I call it. A recorded voice says “You have called our support line outside normal hours. Please call back.”

Oh, yeah, because no-one uses the internet outside office hours. That’s fucking awesome. Also, your web page lies. Double-awesome.

This morning, I call Woosh support. They reset my password. I try to log in. It doesn’t work. They reset it again. I try again. They tell me to not use their software and instead to set up a new connection, which I do. Doesn’t work.

Then they tell me that I have an “old modem” and that .. get this .. I have to -bring into woosh- to be flashed, since I also have an old CD without “flasher software” on it. Further, I can only do this during business hours. Which is not useful to me on a friday night, or in general because during business hours I am at work, doing business.

I point out that the modem is connecting to them with the default new user account, so it’s working fine. I can get to their new user walled garden web page, no problem. I suggest that the problem pretty much has to be their authentication system. He insists that the modem firmware needs flashing. I ask if the flasher can be downloaded from the new user area, which I can get to. He says no. I tell him that’s retarded. He is silent. I ask him if he doesn’t think that’s retarded? He is silent.

I cancel my Woosh account.

I should point out that Woosh just managed to lose the very best possible customer they could ask for – the guy that routinely pays his monthly account, and _doesn’t use the service_, thus taking up no resources. Now, that has ended, and I shall be telling this story of epically shitty service and support to anyone who even mentions Woosh to me in the future.

The Fail train. Catch it today!


  1. Steal a car, drive it into your local exchange. You have no connection at the moment anyway.

    …sorry, did I say that out loud.

  2. We used to have Woosh, way back when it was the only way to get non-stratospherically-priced broadband. Then gradually everyone else started to offer non-business-priced broadband, and meanwhile Woosh kept truckin’ on in exactly the same way with its patchy service and terrible support. I’m amazed they’re still in business.

  3. Woosh

    When I used to work at Datacom way back in the day, what became WOOSH was then called Walker Wireless. Their actual name around the office was of course Wanker Wireless – and I’ve never heard one person offer any bit of evidence to cause me to think contrary to the name.

    I think their only real source of clients are people these days who are after ‘home wireless internet’ who don’t understand what they are really after is WiFi – or people who need something completely Wireless and can’t afford the insane charges that Vodafone and Telecom eke out over their cell phone plans.

    • Re: Woosh

      Right now I’d probably gladly go back to the shit that is Woosh.
      Thing is, y’see, our Telecom phone line is *even worse*. I’ve had
      both, I can compare.

      ‘cept they’re not available here. We tried.

      We currently get DSL in blocks of about 20 minutes.

      The Telecom tech measured our line and said “well, you’ve got a shit line, I wouldn’t bother paying for broadband if I were you.”

      That combined with Orcon getting us dialtone 6 days out of every 7. Oh,
      and when I’m on the (cell) phone to Orcon or Telecom, I’m standing on
      the deck in the rain because Vodaphone coverage…. isn’t.

      I don’t think NZ ever left the 80’s.

      – MugginsM

  4. My parents still use Woosh. They cannot connect to the interwebs AT ALL if it is raining.