Heavy Duty

Dear John Russell

Today, Dainty Consolidated Entertainment announced that world heavyweight metal band Judas Priest, will not be playing in New Zealand on 7 September 2008 as originally planned.

The cancellation of the New Zealand date is due to logistic and freight issues and Dainty Consolidated Entertainment and Judas Priest apologise to all the fans who have purchased tickets for any inconvenience caused.

NOOOOOOO!

DO NOT WANT!

KHAAANNNNNNNNN!

Massive. MASSIVE.

I enjoy reading news articles where I can sense that the author was amusing themselves as they wrote it. Usually the turn of a particular phrase is key to making this work. Apropos: The following excellent example of Smiling While Writing:

Mr Peters says he will explain in Parliament today how there is a “massive difference” in his party funnelling large corporate donations through secret trusts and others doing the same thing.

Nice.

Wait .. what?

I was getting all geared up for an early start tomorrow morning, had my alarm set and checked, pondering what time to get to bed in order to be functional at 0400 … then I realised that it is tuesday and my change is scheduled for thursday morning.

I spent the whole day today thinking it was wednesday.

It’s all a blur.

My My My My Mitchell….

While discussing filmmaking projects today, I jokingly proposed that a good name for a cheesy made-for-TV mystery movie[1] would be “Addicted .. TO MURDER!”

I’ve just been told that this absurd title has actually been used for a movie already. A real one. That really exists. And not just in someones nightmares.

Now I have high hopes for my proposed cheesy documentary about WW2 submarine combat, which I shall title “Sharks .. of the sea.”

[1] You know. The kind of thing that would ‘star’ Todd Bridges or Valerie Bertinelli or Jo Don Baker. Or, one could only dream, all three!

I am not a number! No, wait, I am! An official number!

Drivers License: Restored! Unperson status: Revoked!

My birth certificate arrived, and was acceptable ID for the licensing place. Awesome!

I also went to the optometrist for a checkup and certificate for driving which was fun, especially the bit where they stick fluorescent yellow shit in your eyes then look at it with a UV lamp thing (I think the yellow stuff helps them see the blood vessels in your eyes). There were a couple of amusing exchanges with the optometrist, thusly:

She: “Do you spend much time using computers, or reading books?”
Me: “I … Uh … Yes.”
She: “I thought so.”

So apprently I am shortsighted, with an astygmatism in my left eye, which is pretty much the exact same diagnosis I got about 10 or 15 years back, so that’s cool. New glasses are forthcoming, but I am still perfectly fine to drive without them. Neat. Also…

She: “Typically, when men get to 45 or 50, their eyes change with age so that their vision ‘shifts’ and they need glasses for close up stuff like reading or computer operation. However, with your shortsightedness, you’re mostly already corrected for that, so you likely won’t need them. You’re pretty much set up for computer use or reading.”
Me: “I KNEW it!”

Better run for COVER!

So now I have a ticket to the non-seated horn-throwin’ area of the Vector Arena, all the better to experience the FULL METALNESS of JUDAS PRIEST!

Breakin’ the law! Breakin’ the law!

I wonder who else will be attending?

‘sup fool? Identify this shit, yo.

Annette has never played any of the Diablo games[1] so every time we’re on the Northern motorway and we pass the Tristram off-ramp, my frequent “Stay a while! And listen!” comments are met with a blank look. Or a pitying look, the kind you would give a kitten that’s trying to ferociously bite you, but is too pathetic to do so properly.

We’re going to buy a couple of copies of Diablo 3, though, and play through it cooperatively. I have high hopes for it – Blizzard have quite simply never put out a crap game.

[1] Though she has played a lot of WoW, and WoW’s gameplay owes much .. or all .. to Diablo.