Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.

I’ve now had my positive pressure Sleep-o-Tron 3000 machine for a week, and I thought I’d post an update on how it’s going.

It’s going excellently.

Yesterday morning, for example. I woke up about 5 mins before the alarm went off, got up when it did, had a shower and went to work where I pretty solidly worked all day and got much done. This may not sound amazing to you, but to me it’s like I’m wearing a fucking jetpack.

Number of times bumped into things on the way from bed to shower due to inability to focus and/or balance upright: Zero

Amount of coffees needed before able to read morning websites over breakfast: Zero

Number of times I fell asleep at my desk, waking up to find a terminal window that says something like “sho ip access-lisfffgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg”: Zero.

Energy drinks required during the day to get shit done: Zero

I feel like an idling engine that someone has given a tune up and is now revving to racing speed. I may go back to the gym daily, which is more often than I went even a few years back. Food tastes better. Colours are brighter. I actually feel taller.

So to summarise: AAAA++++ AWESOME PRODUCT WOULD DEFINITELY RECOMMEND HAIL SATAN

Anyone who’s thinking about this – don’t wait. I could have gone and done this years ago, and damn well should have.

19 thoughts on “Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.

      1. They don’t have a discounted swimming-only membership, do they? I’m not a “workout” person, but I’d love to swim regularly, and if JSR was going there anyway it would be very convenient…

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      2. I don’t *think* so but I can ask Julie for you (she’s a client of mine as well as our neighbour!) the pool is very good – ozone cleaning so less chlorine and stuff

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  1. Cool!

    Do you think they make a machine that takes small children to the toilet and finds cats who think they are lost? Cause that would totally solve MY sleep issues 🙂

    Now, remember to use your new found powers for good…

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    1. Yeah. I agree. Last night we had pushing and shoving of various brothers to see who got to sleep next to mum. Argh! Not fun at 4am. Seriously, they all their own very nice beds.

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      1. What I want to know is how waking up with a toddler or big kid once or twice a night a couple of times a week can hurt so much more than waking six times a night with a newborn does – surely that violates some kind of basic law.

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      2. I find a newborn way harder. I can juggle big kids half-asleep. Sometimes we just leave them in our bed and go and hide in theirs 🙂

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      3. I think I must have good hormonal cushioning with a newborn because while I only get to sleep in 90 minute snatches the quality of that sleep is about a million times better than normal sleep. Also I can usually deal with a newborn without putting my feet on the floor or turning a light on so big kids require more action on my part.

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