It’s a wrench, I know. (See what I did there?)

So the answer to “Can you play through Bioshock using only The Wrench as a weapon?” is a big “Yes”, at least in Easy mode. In fact, since you’ll actually be equipping the plasmids like “Gain health and eve from hitting people with wrench” and “Extra fast move and hit people with wrench!” it’s actually -easier- to finish with the wrench than when you’re firing shotgun rounds in wild, uncontrolled bursts.

I definitely need a new computer, however – my poor old machine can barely render Bioshock at any kind of frame rate unless I’m playing in 800×600 or .. MAYBE.. 1024 x 768, and if the latter I’d better have the textures set to “Muddy Looking Shit”.

There. Defended it. Job done.

These “Media Defender” people seem to have been in the news a lot of late.

I’m perplexed at the “value” they bring to the media companies. Their whole reason to exist seems to be to introduce fucked up versions of movies and tv episodes and music into the various peer-to-peer systems, in order to decrease the value of such systems.

They appear to be gleefully ignoring the elephants in the room which are (respectively) the technical and social sanity checks provided by (a) file hashing, and (b) feedback.

For example, let’s imagine I want to download the latest version of Americas Funniest Videos Of Muslims Making Baby Jesus Cry, and I see two files being shared, each called “BabyJesusCry-S03E04.PDTV.XVID.AVI”. One of these has an overall file hash that’s different from the other. So now I can tell that ONE of these is different from the other, despite the filenames being the same, so MediaDefender or some other nub has messed with it.

Now we check the seeds and downloads, and the feedback, on each file.

One will have feedback like “LOL FAYKE WTF? WANKERS”, and maybe 45 seeds and 200 downloads. The other will have feedback like “Good Rip! PDTV does it again! You can really clearly see the Tears on the cheeks of the Christ Child! AAAA+++ WOULD BLASPHEME WITH AGAIN” and have 2734 seeds and 123439 downloaders.

It’s _not hard_ to tell which is the fake and which is not.

MediaDefender are causing, AT BEST, a slight irritation to pirates. At worst, you don’t even know they’re there. I wonder how much money they’re being paid for this?

“Muslim? Nearly killed ‘im!”

There seem to be some US citizens who’re getting quite irate about the possibility that the President of Iran, during his visit to the US, will be going to the site where the World Trade Center buildings used to be in order to lay a wreath and pay his respects.

In fact, one 82-year-old compares it to allowing Hitler to put a wreath on the tomb of the Unknown Soldier!.

I’m not sure why.

It’s not like he’s the president of Saudi Arabia – which is where most of the 11/9/2001 hijackers were from. Or that he’s the president of Lebanon, Egypt, or the UAE, which is where all the REST of the 11/09/2001 hijackers were from.

He’s not even a Sunni muslim – Iran is a Shi’ite nation. Those dudes HATE each other.

I really don’t see any reason for being pissed off at his visit that doesn’t basically boil down to a certain Them Ragheads Is Alla Same racism. A swarthy guy with a beard? At GROUND FUCKING ZERO? WHILE EAGLES CRY? THESE COLOURS DON’T RUN! ETC!

The whole thing just makes me sad.

Rivals

I saw this linked to on IRC today…

NBC to Offer a Free Video Download Service.

..along with some tech info about the system.

This is NBC’s huge response to the fact that The Kids are watching less TV than ever, and getting their entertainment from the Internet instead. In effect, they’re squaring up against torrented captures of their TV shows, so you’d figure they’ll need to offer something WAY cooler like regularly updated mini-episodes, interviews with actors and writers, back and side-story to the shows, etc. The kind of thing that’ll drive people to their site and their downloads, and fuck the torrents, dude, because NBC’s shit has so much going on.

Yeah. You’d figure that. However, you’d be totally wrong. Instead, the downloads they offer are:

– The basic show, no extra stuff at all. Not even a commentary track by the Key Grip.
– All shows contain Advertisments (!!)
– That you can’t skip over (!!)
– All shows WMA wrapped in MS Windows Media DRM and thus:
– All shows can’t be played on anything except Windows PC
– Including Video-capable ipods
– Also can’t be played on _other_ Windows PC’s, only the one you downloaded them on
– All shows expire after 7 days. (!!)

I, for one, would like to wish NBC well in this hilariously doomed business venture.

I may be being a bit racist here, I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.

Mystery illness strikes after meteorite hits Peruvian village

“Villagers in southern Peru were struck by a mysterious illness after a meteorite made a fiery crash to Earth in their area, regional authorities said Monday.”

Prediction: The ones that survive the initial illness will develop powers and abilities far greater than those of mortal men.

Gentle LLamaman! The Mighty Incan! Panpipe! Yes, you can picture them now in your minds eye, standing in the traditional fists on hips superhero stance, multicoloured poncho/cloaks fluttering in the breeze!

Let Evil Beware!

Sockheads

Here’s a relatively boring article about US cities passing laws punishing the wearing of baggy pants.

Which is not so interesting, except in an eye-rolling sort of manner when you consider how long legislation tends to be around for, compared to the lightning-swift changes in fashion. Baggy pants? Already played out. Give it five years and the cool kids will be wearing shoes on their hands, or have a sock on one of their feet and be wearing the other sock as a hat. More laws! Sock laws! Quickly, quickly! The end result of this is that you get ┬álegislation hanging around that probably was deemed to be a good idea at the time, but just seems absurd now, and the the only people who’ll care are the kind of smart-arse students who research ancient laws still technically on the books and show up at university exams wearing a sword and demanding their mug of ale, as per subsection VII(b) of the Exams Act, as authorised by the Marquis of Fuckstickshire in 1641, wearing an expression that indicates to everyone else that they should consider the sword-wearer to be about the cleverest person in the universe – an expression that will last up until the point where Blackwater Halliburton Gnomeland Security Snipers permanently remove it … with cold steel!

The BEST bit of the original article, however, is that they quote Mr Mark Wise, the owner of a hip-hop clothing store called (and I’m not making this up) “Razor Sharp Clothing Shop 4 Ballers”.

Best. Shop. Name. Evar.