So wrong

One of my newsfeeds just flashed up a headline along the lines of “NZ has free broadband again!” which, naturally, caught my eye. “Someone is doomed.” I thought to myself.

But, of course, I was wrong. And so was the headline. Here is the article in question – if you read it, you’ll see that what you actually get is free broadband from Vodafone-owned Ihug .. IF you change your landline rental over to Ihug AND pay them $20/month in prepaid toll charges AND most telling of all, this free plan has a data cap of 1GB/month. Presumably after you use that up, you start paying.

You know how when you go to the supermarket, they sometimes have, say, a friendly person with a tray offering you a little bit of sausage roll, or cheese, or chorizo sausage? And it’s free? And if you like it, you go buy some, because that little bit of sausage is just enough to whet your appetite.

Well, Vodadfone is offering “free” broadband the same way that Foodtown is offering “free” chorizo fucking sausage.

1GB/month is just enough to go “Why yes, I pretty much AM connected to the internet in some manner” before the cap runs out and you start paying.



  1. no free lunch but I get free morning tea tomorrow, yum yum!

  2. Well, Vodadfone is offering “free” broadband the same way that Foodtown is offering “free” chorizo fucking sausage.

    It’s not even that free. The supermarket really gives you stuff for nothing. Ok, so you have to turn up and hold out your hand, but that’s entirely reasonable. Whereas VodeyIhugaPhone (just made that up – think I’ll keep it) require you to not only buy a jumbo-size pack of band-aids every month (when you may only need two per month at most), but also sign an agreement that you won’t start getting your free sausage elsewhere within the next six months, else you’ll have to pay for all the free sausage you’re not getting from them.

    I’m gonna say free sausage again ’cause it makes me feel naughty.

  3. I noticed the other day that Telstra ADSL (not cable) now have a compulsory $10 per month toll usage aspect to all their pricing and you can’t opt out of it, and you get charged this $10 fee whether you make the toll calls or not.

    They don’t have this as part of their cable service, but I really don’t understand how in this day and age of VOIP expect anyone to want to make tollcalls, let alone force them to.

  4. I’m just waiting for someone to start up “Honest Abe’s olde fashioned Amish Interwebb Servicings”, where they actually give _genuine_ reasons why you can’t get broadband, or why you can’t get the speeds specified in your ubernet plan… and back it up with how much it would cost to unfuck it all.

    “Why Mr. H. verily broadband isn’t availble in your localitiy, we do suppose that the antiquated telephone exchange servicing your account did indeed cost the Post and Telegraph Services several thousand pounds in 1922. Due to a downturn in rural developments due to the dastardly affereffects of the depression and bloody hun in The Great War, Telecom are refusing to upgrade it because they still haven’t recovered it’s cost of installation. My dear chap Mr. H. you are truely buggered because they won’t replace that hulking monolith of servos and clockwork with a USD1,200 DSLAM off eBay. Toodle-pip.”

    I just get “while broadband is available in your area, there is a cabinet in your circuit does not support broadband”, which I interpret as FOAD. Other ISPs get _less_ information.

  5. I have 2GB a month. Might even save $10 and downsize to 1GB.
    It really isn’t too hard, if you’re not downloading stuff.
    🙂 xx