A new discovery!


Yeah. You know what? If you need three weeks of intensive brainwa… uh… whitewash… uh… counselling in order to “discover” that you’re “completely heterosexual” … then you’re probably not.

Just sayin’, is all.

Most people can tell these things without resorting to weeks of therapy driven by an oversight board of four church pastors. You’ve probably been there yourself. “Do I prefer to use my left or right hand? .. Either? .. Okay, so I’m ambidextrous.”[1] and “Do I feel a desire to sex up The Ladies or The Men? The Ladies? Okay, so I’m heterosexual.” [Note: Change these to reflect your own personal tastes]

Easily doable, no counselling required, no need for a oversight committee.

[1] Or am-bi-curious, if you prefer. I’m sure it’s just a phase. Perhaps weeks of counselling might help me get back to “normal”. There’s no “left” in “righteous”, sinner! I’m pretty pleased that organised religion never decreed that which hand you use made you godly.[2]

[2] Wait, I’d better check that. [Google] Of course. I spoke too soon. Should have known better. The Catholic church seems to have said that lefties were servants of the devil for around 1000 years. LOL AT STUPID CHURCHES AND THEIR DUMB IDEAS IN TEH PAST. GOOD THING THEY R ALL 100% CORRECT THESE DAYS ROFL.[3]

[3] The pain, when does it end?


  1. I liked The Daily Show’s explanation of Haggard’s pray-out-the-gay treatment, which was along the lines of “You know how when your dad caught you smoking, and to put you off it, he made you smoke a whole pack at once? Well…”

  2. The ex-gay movement is hilarious.

    “In 1986, Colin Cook, founder of Homosexuals Anonymous, was discovered to be engaging in sexual acts with his patients. He claimed that the nude massages of other men should desensitize them against homosexual desires. In 1987, he was expelled from Homosexuals Anonymous for sexual activity, and in 1995 a similar scandal happened with his newly founded group FaithQuest Colorado. According to the Denver Post, Cook had engaged in phone sex, practiced long and grinding hugs, and asked patients to bring homosexual pornography to sessions so that he could help desensitize them against it.”

    Yeah, bring me teh pr0n!

  3. On another note, “The Long and Grinding Hug” is one of McCartneys best songs.