The Most Metal

Man, what the hell am I doing sitting around by myself, watching Manowar music videos on Youtube? And then blogging about it?

Also, seriously, Manowar? None more metal. None more gay.

Perhaps New Zealand needs a Manowar tribute band. I can’t be in it, I’m way too fat. Fat dudes can only be in rap groups and True Norwegian Death Metal, and I’m already doing the rap thing[1]. But whoever does end up in the NZ Manowar tribute group (Morgan, I’m looking at YOU) I’d happily offer them the band name “Loincloths and Oil”, free of charge.

Right, off to bed.

[1] Though if the gothic gangsta rap thing doesn’t work out .. as unlikely as that seems … I may be forced to turn to Black Metal.[2]

[2] My stage name would be “Spikë Shïngaards”. The band would be called “Odinspiss”. Or maybe “Angsthammer”. Our first album would be called “Norway Has The Highest Standard of Living In The World.[3] Take Off That Makeup, Put Down The Axe, Get Out Of The Forest And Shut The Fuck Up.”

[3] Yep. Accord to the UN ( ) that is. Course, on the down side, there’s meatcakes and pickled herring. And Death Metal Bands.


  1. how can the gothsta rap fail i ask you?

  2. I would go with “Helmüt Koklikka” – although that’s more Finnish than Norweigian, I guess.

  3. I’d like to see you in a mariachi band but you would appear to have these other genres to work through first. I suggest saving mariachi for the twilight years. Rap and Metal need that youthful energy. Besides, a sombrero is going to hide those grey hairs.

    • Hide? HIDE? Clearly you haven’t seen my current majestic mane that flows like a gown lovingly crafted of sparkling samite, or like a river of silver lit only by the waxing moon. Who would want to HIDE such a treasure? Though I do get bored with it every so often and cut it short.

  4. I think there is an Auckland ManOWar tribute band already!
    if my memory serves me right.