Like Billboards Made Of Sadness

It’s not that I get spam, I’m used to spam, I have technological filters in place to catch most of it, and I’m very good at scanning a screen of mail and grabbing non-spam items out of it.

It’s just that the content of the spam paints such a FUCKING BLEAK picture of humanity, you know?

Cheap Meds. Fake Rolexes. Low Interest Mortgages. More porn than anyone could ever want, ever. (including “Virgin Teen Sluts!!!” … virgin sluts? I mean .. no offence or nothing, but if you’re a virgin … you suck at being a slut.) Pyramid schemes. Reuben and Clay downloads – CHEAP!

Is this actually what the global spamnet has decided has the very most appeal to the most people? Fake watches and Clay Aiken and Vicodin?

It makes me sad. I don’t want to live in that world. I may have to set up a spam service that floods people with spam offering Truth and Beauty and Elegance and Justice and Harmony. That’s spam that people WANT to see. The virgin sluts best step aside.


  1. I vote yes to beautiful spam.

    • I say someone offers me the American Presidancy.

      I agree with the above, really badly typed, horrible uninteresting products.
      “Look, don’t you get the picture, I’m happy with the size of my cock, and *shock, horror* I’m not going to buy unknown medication over the internet.”

      The stupidest thing is the spam that has the worlds purposfully misspelt and fragmented, to get by some spam filters. Who would (or could) read those?

  2. Actually, I got spam like that once. Of course, it was in German, and they wanted to kill off the Auslanders, but y’know…

  3. I’ve never once wondered if I need to enlarge my penis.