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GENTRIFICIATE!

These days, I am very much a law-abiding and productive member of society. Having said that, those stupid Knightscape K5, pepper-pot, dumb-ass security guard trundlebots look like they would be really, really fun to steal, decorate, set on fire or otherwise destroy. Probably while blasting “Killing in the Name” by RatM.

I’m not advocating these actions. I’m just sayin’.

Autonomous Security Guards

Defending The Frontier

When you put your hands on the steering wheel of my new car, your thumbs fall naturally on two silver buttons on the top of the wheel, and your fingers do the same to two other silver buttons on the back.

The actual purpose of these buttons is to change gears when you’re in manual drive mode. In my head, however, the front ones are for LASERS, the back ones are for MISSILES, and if you press and hold all four? DEATH BLOSSOM.

IT’S GO TIME!

prepare for cyber hacking

Harp On About The Tiger

Hi. It’s been twenty years and I’m still kind of upset by Hobbes’ betrayal in Wing Commander III.

I am, technically, an adult.

Gibson Accomplished.

wereinBUSH

One Free Hill

Well, Apple, thanks for the digital watch and the U2 album. I also loved the 1980s.

Oi! U2! NO!

Oh, piss off, Apple. Piss off forever.

Oi U2 NO

 

Make the U2 album free if you want, Apple, but don’t auto-buy it for me.

I don’t want to see that in my Purchases List. Opt In vs Opt Out.

Welp.

But Not Forgotten

Underpants are GO!

Underpants are GO!

Fly New Whip

My old car (A 1994 BMW 318i hatchback) has, recently, developed some issues. Issues such as “The inside of the door fell off” and “Many electrical things don’t work” and “The brakes sometimes don’t work on the left hand side of the car” and the most recent niggling little issue, “Instead of starting up when you turn the key, the engine just makes a noise like “Brup” and then nothing happens.”

So, I decided to pull the trigger on a new car. Here it is:

flynewwhip

BEHOLD! The 2003 BMW 745i! An automotive classic! Not really! But it’s way nicer than my old car!

It’s a four door saloon, which means I can put Willow in the back without having to mess around with putting the front seats up and down. It’s also a 4.5 liter V8 which is… actually pretty excellent. It goes like stink. It’s spacious, comfy, and generally an upgrade to the old car in all things. It was also surprisingly inexpensive, though I may change my mind on that when I’m looking at the bill from BMW for brake pads made out of Selenium, Myrrh, and the Dreams of Righteous Men.

The one thing, so far, that irks me is the iDrive system. It’s old enough that it doesn’t understand what an iPhone is (or an iPod, for that matter) which is annoying enough, but the really terrible thing is how it looks. Which is: Like Ass. Car manufacturers should maybe just not be allowed to make software UIs. Ever. Because, apparently, even really big car manufacturers are terrible at it, and can’t be trusted to do it. I’d like to find whoever allowed the iDrive UI out of the door, and ask them some pointed questions.

Willow 100% approves of this car, especially since she found out that she can stand on the center console and stick her head and upper body out of the open sunroof. I think I might only allow her to do that while the car is standing still, it’s probably not the sort of thing approved of by child safety advocates.