MonthMarch 2008

The Colour of Failure. (It’s a sort of Taupe)

I just watched The Colour of Magic, a live action movie based on the book of the same name by Terry Pratchett.

It was better than Hogfather, but still pretty bad.

Bad things:

(1) It’s The fucking Colour of Magic. It’s early work, and not really very good compared to Pratchetts later work.
(2) Rincewind is supposed to be a recent “graduate” of university. I always saw him as late 20’s, early 30’s. In the movie, he’s _old_.
(3a) Twoflower is a honky. He’s from the Agatean Empire. He’s meant to be asian.
(3b) Twoflower is played by Sean Astin. Badly. Not sure what Astin is trying to do with the character, but it’s not working. Hard to believe he knocked Sam Gamgee out of the park, and also played this shitty role.

Good things:

(1) Excellent Lord Vetinari
(2) Much better special effects than Hogfather
(3) Smokin’ hot dragonrider lady.

Once again, though, they pick the weirdest books to make into movies. First Hogfather, and now The Colour of Magic? What the hell? The ones that would pretty much make immediately good movies (Mort, for example. Or Guards Guards) get passed over in favour of ones that don’t really have a plot or that require intimate knowledge of discworld backstory. Bizarre!

Famous Fiz-ive IN DA HOUSE

One of Britain’s best-known children’s book series, Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, has been turned into a 21st century cartoon

Oh this doesn’t fucking bode well, does it. A remake, AND a TV cartoon? I have bad feeling about this. They’ll be trying to make it edgy and cool (which is code for B-Boy stances and skateboarding, because TV execs cool glands are mysteriously stuck in the late 80’s) and also ethnically diverse (because otherwise they’ll Get Letters).

Let’s read on:

“The new series stars Anglo-Indian Jo – George’s daughter whose full name “Jyoti” is Hindu for light – who, like her mother, is a proud tomboy, and loves the outdoors.

Next is 13 year-old Max, Julian’s son, an avid mountain biker and skater. Anne’s daughter, Allie, 12, is a Californian who loves shopping and sending text messages.

Dylan, 11, the son of Dick, is a gadget nerd and aspiring businessman who follows the stock market on his laptop.”

Oh for chrissakes. Read that again a few times, and marvel at the fact that if you shot the creators of this shit in the brains, it’d be YOU that went to jail.

The Devils Network

An 81-year-old Australian man has shot himself dead with an elaborate suicide robot built using plans he downloaded from the Internet.

Fuck me! NOT “THE INTERNET”!?

CALL BATMAN! SAVE US FROM THE INTERNET!

Go! Run! GET TO THE CHOPPER!

I’m kinda sick of seeing this sort of vague blaming of The Internet in these kinds of reports. He downloaded plans for a suicide device from the internet? Of course he did – where ELSE is he going to download them from? It’s just a communications network, albeit an advanced one. You never see this:

“An 81-year-old australian man has shot himself dead with a shotgun to the mouth, using instructions described to him over The Telephone System.”

OH NO! HE HAD ACCESS TO THE “PHONE” AS THE KIDS CALL IT? BAN EVERYTHING FOREVER!

It’s 2008, can we get over The Internet as the bogyman?

I, for one, welcome our hungry alien overlords.

I have a moral quandary – actually, no, more a dichotomy in desires between my cerebral cortex and my lizard brain.

You see, I like animals. A lot. They’re cute, and often fuzzy, and I’m an empathic soul (I cry in movies at the drop of a hat) and I really don’t want to eat animal flesh any more.

If for no other reason, it’d suck to be in the position where if we were invaded by aliens who floated down upon us from their orbiting broodships, wielding advanced space-cutlery and telekinetically tying techno-napkins around the casings that enclose their mighty glowing brains while informing us via telepathy that although we’re obviously sentient and intelligent, we’re not as intelligent as the Space Brains and also we’re very tasty so tough fucking luck, it’s off the cages and the killing factories for humanity…. and I couldn’t really complain about it because hey, we use the same argument about cows and sheep.

But on the other hand, meat is FUCKING DELICIOUS.

So you see my problem.

Mmmkay?

I saw a news item this morning stating that the NZ government had just passed legislation banning BZP-based drugs which actually made me ask Annette if there had been lots of deaths or incidents involving BZP that I had somehow missed in the news.

She told me that she thinks that one person had to go to hospital, a couple of years back.

Is this true? And if so, what the hell? Jim Anderton sponsored the bill and his web site says that BZP is a health risk and causes seizures, but I’m not sure what the probability is – this is of course only anecdotal but I know a lot of folk who take party pills and neither I nor they have EVER heard of anyone having a seizure because of it.

Andertons web site doesn’t say what the risk level actually is, just that there is some. Is this really just a Drugs Are Bad (If They’re Fun. And Not Alcohol. And Untaxed.) thing?

While I personally don’t use ’em, so am not affected by this ban, I have to ask if there’s not something more important the associate minister for health can be doing about the NZ health care system than this kind of apparent nanny state knee-jerk crap.

Dah DAH dah dah!

Annette is a bad influence on me. Here’s a recent conversation had over dinner while watching Project Catwalk, a show about aspiring fashion designers.


Annette: What do you think of that outfit?

JSR: Well, the fabric is fantastic, and those little pleats and details over the hips are great. The whole design seems quite contemporary, while retaining classic styling cues. It’s great that they’ve managed to retain the leitmotifs that run throughout the rest of their collection, too.

Annette: Yep, agreed.

[Short Pause]

JSR: Uh .. that is to say ‘Fucking hell woman, I don’t know. One frock is like another. Cos I am a MAN!’ .. I’m going to go drink a beer.

Bad bad influence. I won’t even talk about my knowledge of, and time spent watching, the movie genre “Plain Girl turns into/out to be a Special Princess”.

Awesome!

My opinion of Michael Bay just went up about 1000%

http://jalopnik.com/366309/transformers-2-countdown-clock-live-on-michael-bay-site-he-probably-thinks-its-awesome?autoplay=true

I’ve automatically got a lot of time for ANYONE that can poke fun at themselves.

Big Ups to Xur and the Kodan Massive!

Huh.

I’m not really sure if I believe this, but it would seem that they are making a sequel to The Last Starfighter.

What do we do now? … We Die.

Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.

I’ve now had my positive pressure Sleep-o-Tron 3000 machine for a week, and I thought I’d post an update on how it’s going.

It’s going excellently.

Yesterday morning, for example. I woke up about 5 mins before the alarm went off, got up when it did, had a shower and went to work where I pretty solidly worked all day and got much done. This may not sound amazing to you, but to me it’s like I’m wearing a fucking jetpack.

Number of times bumped into things on the way from bed to shower due to inability to focus and/or balance upright: Zero

Amount of coffees needed before able to read morning websites over breakfast: Zero

Number of times I fell asleep at my desk, waking up to find a terminal window that says something like “sho ip access-lisfffgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg”: Zero.

Energy drinks required during the day to get shit done: Zero

I feel like an idling engine that someone has given a tune up and is now revving to racing speed. I may go back to the gym daily, which is more often than I went even a few years back. Food tastes better. Colours are brighter. I actually feel taller.

So to summarise: AAAA++++ AWESOME PRODUCT WOULD DEFINITELY RECOMMEND HAIL SATAN

Anyone who’s thinking about this – don’t wait. I could have gone and done this years ago, and damn well should have.

Did “Raiders of the Lost Ark” teach you nothing?! DON’T LOOK AT IT!

THIRUVANANTHAPURAM: At least 50 people in Kottayam district have reportedly lost their vision after gazing at the sun looking for an image of Virgin Mary.

* facepalm *

On the subject of the virgin mary, it’s reported that The Vatican has overhauled its list of mortal sins. Amongst the new sins are Paedophilia[1] and “The excessive accumulation of wealth by a few”[2].

* facepalm *

Sometimes The Onion just looks like another newspaper, you know?

[1] The John Jay Report found accusations against 4,392 priests in the USA (or around one in every twenty-five priests).

[2] It’s estimated that the Vatican has real estate, sharemarket and other investments worth $10,000,000,000 to $15,000,000,000. It pays no taxes.