The Devils Network

An 81-year-old Australian man has shot himself dead with an elaborate suicide robot built using plans he downloaded from the Internet.

Fuck me! NOT “THE INTERNET”!?

CALL BATMAN! SAVE US FROM THE INTERNET!

Go! Run! GET TO THE CHOPPER!

I’m kinda sick of seeing this sort of vague blaming of The Internet in these kinds of reports. He downloaded plans for a suicide device from the internet? Of course he did – where ELSE is he going to download them from? It’s just a communications network, albeit an advanced one. You never see this:

“An 81-year-old australian man has shot himself dead with a shotgun to the mouth, using instructions described to him over The Telephone System.”

OH NO! HE HAD ACCESS TO THE “PHONE” AS THE KIDS CALL IT? BAN EVERYTHING FOREVER!

It’s 2008, can we get over The Internet as the bogyman?

15 Comments

  1. Australian Man Gunned Down in Driveway by Killer Robot

    Best. Headline. Ever.

    Callous as I am ‘elaborate suicide robot’ just makes me think, faaark, where can I get me one of them?

  2. and of course you just know there’s a website out there with the following links…..

    Robots – Suicide
    Robots – Homicide
    Robots – Genocide
    Robots – Other…

  3. In fact, screw it. The message is, any 81 year old who can not only build one of these things, but also use the freaking interwebs does NOT need to be in care.

    • I can just see my Mum threatening to build herself one of these were I to suggest putting her in care – her worst nightmare is “being made to live with old people”

  4. Sure, any n00b can fire a gun at his own head, but this dude _built a robot_ to do it for him. That’s a classy way to commit suicide.

    One day real soon now there’ll be a demographic bulge of curmudgeonly old people and they’ll start building killer robots to ensure that we all get off their darn lawns. The cult of youth is over… octogenarians with killer robots shall conquer all.

  5. The headline also does disrespect to robots, because obviously if were a robot, it would obey the first rule of robotics: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

  6. See, I saw that headline and thought “OH FUCK IT’S STARTED”. Clearly, sensationalist journalism knows no bounds.

    I was relieved to learn that even robots from The Internet are still obliged to obey their masters’ instructions.

    FOR NOW.

  7. Personally I blame a primary school teacher who probably taught the guy to read in the first place.

  8. A-fucking-MEN

    Almost as annoying as stupid emails that are STILL being forwarded with urban myths that were debunked long before the internet was around.

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