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~ Wednesday, February 22 ~
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Lies, Damned Lies, and Comparing NZ Broadband To Other Countries.

Disclaimer: I am a internet network engineer, by profession. I’ve worked for many ISPs over the years, but I’ve never worked for the big two (Telecom and TelstraClear) and I probably never will, due to horrible things I’ve said in public forums about them. I’d go to the interview, they’d google me, and that’d be that - game over. 

I seldom participate, these days, in arguments about how crap or not crap broadband is in New Zealand. With regards to that particular fight, I’ve done my bit for Queen and Country. Also, for those of us in the industry, there’s no real controversy. It’s crap. It’s getting better, but compared to the US or the UK, it’s utter balls and everyone knows it.

I thought I’d write this to point out one thing to interested parties - there’s a hilarious bit of goalpost-shifting that usually gets performed by the kinds of people who think (or at least, want you to think) that NZ has excellent internet connectivity, and it takes the form of separation of the concepts of network connection speed, data caps, and price. 

You see, actually using the internet for stuff, like web browsing and youtube and facebook and XBOX games and updates and torrenting the latest episode of Downton Abbey … doing so involves both your network speed AND your data cap AND paying for both of those things. These three elements come together to form your internet connection, and you shouldn’t exclude any of them when you think about it. Or when you write about it. Or when you lobby politicians about it.

What apologists for NZ domestic internet tend to do, is focus on one, or MAYBE two of these elements in comparison to other countries, and conveniently ignore the remaining third.

So you get arguments where people say that NZ DSL connections are “just as fast” or “just as cheap” as US or UK connections. Or you get arguments where they say something like “the typical NZ DSL conenction costs $30/month, which is around the same as in the US/UK” or they say “Data caps and throttling and overuse-charges are used for network control in many countries” without actually saying what size those data caps are, or how much a connection is throttled. 

However, if you’re actually familiar with the internet market in various countries, these statements are hilariously specious. 

Yes, US/UK people typically pay $30/month. But they get uncapped speed and data for that, or a data cap ten times the size of the NZ equivalent.

Yes, you can also buy flat-rate connections in New Zealand (I have one) if you shop around. But the NZ ones are VERY throttled, to a degree that makes P2P and various other operations quite unusable. This is NOT the case in the US or UK.

Yes, NZ DSL connections operate at around the same speeds as other countries, because DSL over copper tech is pretty much the same worldwide, but that hardly matters because that speed isn’t actually available to NZ users at a price comparable to what US/UK users pay.

Here’s an example of what I mean in that last comment. Let’s say you, as a typical NZ DSL user, have a 20Mbits/sec ADSL2 connection, for which you pay $30/month or so. For this sum, you are given a 10GB/month data cap. 

If you actually USE your connection at 20Mbits/sec, you’ll use up that 10GB monthly cap in just over two hours. At which point you will either be throttled down to modem-ish speeds (which breaks the speed comparison to other countries), or start accruing overage charges (which breaks the price comparison). 

Commenters and journalists and policy wonks CANNOT talk about broadband parity between NZ and other countries, unless they factor in speed, data caps, and price to their comparisons. Anyone who leaves out any of those elements either doesn’t understand how broadband works, or is deliberately trying to mislead. If it’s someone who works, or has worked in the ISP industry doing it, I suspect they know how broadband works. Which only leaves deliberate deception as a goal.

Don’t be fooled.


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~ Sunday, July 3 ~
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Sky TV

We had Sky TV installed recently, as they were offering free installation plus 12 months half-price on the basic package. They have some music video channels, and the Living Channel (which is, like, real estate and renovations and restorations and stuff. Basically, crack cocaine for white folks who own houses.)

Some thoughts:

- Bandwidth allocated to the Living Channel and music channels is shit compared to anything you might torrent. Any quick pans or rapid movement is very artifact-y. Looks like a realplayer file from back in the day. I guess the sports channels get all the love.

- Advertisements. What the fuck, Sky? Do you really need 5 ad breaks in one show, each of which runs pretty much the same ads for other shows that will be on the same channel? Pointless, and irksome.

- Willow loves the music channels, and the kids channels. LOVES THEM.


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~ Tuesday, November 30 ~
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Poor Hufflepuff. You suck.

A transcript of a recent conversation:

John S Russell: Lance, Lord Laserfalcon of Gryffindor!

Megan Whelan:  I don’t think I’m a Gryffindor, am I?

John S Russell: Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw? You’re hardly Slytherin.

Megan Whelan: No, I was thinking more one for humble, bumbing, but loyal, losers.

John S Russell: Hufflepuff.

I once listed the houses at Hogwarts as “Brave Gryffindor, Nasty Slytherin, Clever Ravenclaw, and The Other One.” 

I stand by my statement.


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~ Saturday, October 9 ~
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A Dick Koan

A student entered the hall of dickishness at the top of the penis-shaped tower of cockitude, and asked the Dick Master who he was watching in the All-Seeing Orb of Testiculi.

“I am watching” said the Dick Master, “this man in New Zealand, in his anger and his rage. I have caused this thing to be.”

“How, master?” said the student.

The Dick Master replied “We recently published Iain M Banks new Culture novel, “Surface Detail”. And when this man heard that the novel was now published, he went to iBooks, and found it not.”

The student nodded.

“And then he went to his sneakily created US iBooks account, and he found that we had only released it in the UK. And his anger was great.”

The student smiled, and said “Master, that is quite a Dick move.”

The Dick Master raised one finger, and the student fell silent.

“I am not done. So he created a sneaky UK iTunes account, only to find that Surface Detail was, despite being published in the UK, not available in iBooks in the UK. And his anger grew.”

“Master” said the student, “That is superbly dickish!”

The Master raised his finger for the second time. “And then he found out that Surface detail WAS available from Kindle UK, but that you can’t create a Kindle UK account from an NZ IP address.”

The student bowed deeply before the Dick Master. “Master, that is a seriously Dick Move!”

The Dick Master nodded, but then told the student. “There is more.”

“More?” said the incredulous student. “More dickish than that?!”

The Dick Master told the student “This man then ranted and raved and wondered aloud why the publishing industry did not want to take his fucking dollars, goddam it. And then he got a friend of his who already had a working UK kindle account to buy the book, crack the DRM, and produce an epub version that he could read on his iPad.”

The student was puzzled. “But Dick Master! Now he has the book, and can read it. That’s doesn’t really seem like a very Dick Move on your part, does it?”

The Dick Master smiled gently, and said “We shall see if you still think that when I complain in the media about piracy costing us sales.”

And the student was enlightened.


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~ Monday, August 16 ~
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Odd numbered pumps only. On mondays. Unless it’s winter.

Upon driving home, this fair afternoon, I found myself in the position of requiring petrol for my automobile. As is my wont, I pulled into the BP that’s the first station between work and my place, drove to an open pump, stuck the nozzle in the car, pushed “Fill” and waited while listening to Alice Cooper telling someone that her lips were venomous poison. And so, of course, I was thinking about other Batman villains that Alice could have written songs about when I looked up to see the attendant staring at me from inside the station, and moving his lips.

I pulled the headphones out, in time to hear him say “..is on prepay, sir.” with the air of someone who’d said this several times already.

I went into the station and said “I just want to fill up.” and he said “It’s on prepay.” to which I said “Okay. I still want to fill up.” and that led to this conversation:

“Fill up? You need to go to Pump 5.”

“What?”

“Pump 5.”

“… why?”

“Because you’re on Pump 1. It’s on prepay. They all are, except 5.”

“… why?”

“What?”

“Why are they all on prepay except one? Do you only have cameras on that one, in case of a drive-off without paying? I mean .. why not have them all on prepay, or none. Or the ability to override them, if someone wants to fill up.”

“There’s cameras on all of them.”

“So … okay, never mind. I’ll just pay you $80, and fill up, and you can refund me the balance.”

“Can’t do that.”

“Right”

At this point, I went back to my car and started it up. The attendant waved at me cheerfully, and pointed at pump five. I waved back equally cheerfully, and drove off to the Shell station down the road.

I pulled up to an open pump at the Shell, pressed “Fill” and filled my tank. Then I went inside to pay, and as I did so, I had the following conversation:

“Was that the only pump I could fill up at?”

“What?”

“Which pumps could I have filled up at?”

“…. All… of them?” he said, with the raised eyebrows and inflection that suggests that you seem to be suggesting a problem that only exists in the mind of a nutter.

And, of course, that’s exactly what I’d done.


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~ Thursday, August 5 ~
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Left wing, Right wing, Northrend.

I wanted to take the time to write a blog entry which fully and cogently dealt with my feelings about both sides of the political spectrum in this country, and the associated rather martinet-like figures that arise to tread the political stage and stridently declaim thereon.

But this gnome warlock isn’t going to level himself to 80, now is he?


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~ Sunday, July 11 ~
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Bike Repair Log: Gear Change

Repaired: Gearchange mechanism and interconnect to transmission. Gearchange mounting bracket. Left footpeg now present.

Outcome: No longer stuck in third gear unless you manually move the selector on the transmission with vice grips. Can now actually change gear normally, and also have a place to rest your left foot while riding.

Results: Helpful while riding the bike.

Oily hands: YES

Blood: NONE


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~ Saturday, July 3 ~
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Taxonomic Nomenclature

Cat #1

Actual name: Pippin

Nicknames: Pip. Pipper. Pipkin. Pip-pip. Senor Pip. The Pipmeister. Pippolous Pippleby. Hateful Face.

Cat #2

Actual name: Merry (Alias: Monty)

Nicknames: Merman. Merp. Monkey. Mon. Monarch of the Glen. Mermonman. Montague. Monster. Worried Face.


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~ Monday, June 28 ~
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Stay a while … and listen.

Oh, hello.

I didn’t see you there.

This is my new tumblr blog. I’m reliably informed that tumblr is what livejournal should have been, so I’m going to try it out for blogging stuff that the 140 characters of twitter cannot fully encompass. My thoughts, my dreams, what sandwich I had for lunch (ham and cheese .. the more you know!) will all be here for a while.

Welcome. Enter freely, and leave some of the happiness you bring.


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